8 Signs That Your Mate Still Loves Their Ex

Do you feel like his "manipulative" ex is being that way because he allows it? Is she always defending her "unreasonable" ex's actions - even when they don't involve their children? A person who is still in an emotional (or actual) relationship with their ex may use the fact that they share children as an excuse to continue a romantic relationship with them. While a healthy relationship with an ex can make joint child-rearing a less painful experience for all parties, there is a difference between your mate getting along with their ex and them still potentially being in love with them.

8 Signs that your mate is still in an emotional (or actual) relationship with an ex.

1. Your mate keeps you a secret. While people may display their affections differently, one thing remains the same: A person who is in a real relationship with another person usually want's other people to know it. This means that both parties can be open and honest with each other (and others) about being in a relationship. If your mate is hiding you from family, friends - and these days Facebook - there is a high probability that your mate is still in a relationship with someone else.

2. Your mate argues with their ex about things that aren't directly related to their children. While there are a small percentage of individuals who, by some miracle, still have a very amicable relationship with the ex with whom they share children, many do not. A healthy relationship between exes is one that is not emotionally charged. Generally, in relationships involving blended families and blended family issues, people argue with those whose opinions matter to them. What should matter most between ex-couples than their children? If your mate continually argues with his/her ex about things that cannot be directly tied to the children, be careful - your mate may still have lingering romantic feelings for an ex.

3. Your mate needs to protect/rescue their ex. Understand that there will be situations between ex spouses, involving shared children, where it may be necessary for your mate to jump in to assist. If the ex is hospitalized or their car breaks down on the way to pick up the children from after-school activities it is assumed that your mate would step in and pick up the slack concerning the children. However, If the ex was hanging out with friends and got too drunk to take care of himself, or if the ex is involved in a situation in which the police should be called; but she calls your mate instead (and your mate drops everything- including you- to run to the rescue) you might want to tread lightly in the relationship. He/she may still have romantic feelings for their ex. 

4. Your mate cannot talk on the phone in front of you. Actually, this one does not just include talking on the phone in front of you. It also includes secretive behavior, password protecting and not being able to use your mates phone. If their phone rings and they make a mad dash to get it before you and/or if they never let their phone out of their sight - your mate could be messing around with his/her ex or his/her next. Either way, it's not you.

5. Your mate stalks their ex's Facebook page, other social networks, and interrogates mutual friends. For obvious reasons it is difficult to commit fully in a new relationship, if one is still looking back wistfully at the old one.

6. Your mates behavior changes towards you when the ex is around. If you and your mate run into his/her ex (let's say, at the mall) and your mate drops your hand or takes off running in the opposite direction, they may be trying to keep their ex from seeing them as "a couple" with someone else. If your mates behavior becomes distant or cold towards you, he/she may still have romantic feelings for their ex.

7. Your mate becomes aggravated, upset or angry when his/her ex dates someone new. (Even if that person will never meet their children). One should be concerned. A person who is overly invested emotionally in their ex's love life may be secretly harboring romantic feelings for them.

8. Your mate still has pictures with his/her ex on the wall/on display that do not include their children. Obviously, looking at photos and reminiscing about the times one has had with their ex while in a new relationship is not good for the new relationship. It also is a sure sign that your mate is not "over" their ex.

The specifics of your individual situation is unknown. Seek advice from a trusted religious leader, counselor and/or therapist for assistance regarding your specific situation. While individuals that show the aforementioned signs may be in a new or long term relationship with someone, the fact that they are displaying these signs means that they are most likely not ready for a new relationship. They are also not ready to create a relationship that would result in a blended family.

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